Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Hard Corps (2006)

Action heroes were a dime a dozen in the 80's. Around the mid-90's, the careers of the newer guys kind of fizzled out. Steven Seagal,of course and Jean Claude Van-Damme. I enjoyed Seagal's antics up until FIRE DOWN BELOW, but honestly was never a fan of Van-Damme.

The recent Straight To Video output of these once exalted ass kickers has sped up recently. Seagal, though, is by far just out for a fucking paycheck. His shit ain't even fun. He really doesn't do anything except point a gun at people and look fat while neophyte actors and actresses run around pretending they're in a real movie that might jumpstart a career as an extra.

Van Damme (this is his second film to be released in a few months) actually seems to be trying to act, bless his heart.

They actually seem to be spending money on his movies as well. Not a lot, mind you, but some.

THE HARD CORPS stars Van Damme as Phillipe Savauge, a Desert Storm vet in a VA hospital nursing some psychological wounds. He's handpicked by his military buddy to help bodyguard a "hard-headed" boxer named Wayne Barclay (Raz Adoti). Apparently, Barclay has pissed off a Suge Knight caricature named Terrell (Viv Leacock)who wants Barclay dead. That's pretty much the plot of THE HARD CORPS (title's even better now, isn't it?) and I won't ruin any other plot points in case you want to watch it.

The movie is cheap jack. The same war scene that Van Damme flashbacks to is repeated numerous times. He really doesn't even fight. There's some gun play but nothing spectacular. The supporting cast is halfway decent, with Vivica A. Fox (as Barclay's sister and Van Damme's love interest) second billed, but it doesn't add up too much. At an hour and fifty minutes, this shit is waaaaay too long. There is one good scene and, fuck it, I said I wouldn't say anything else about the movie, but I'm gonna ruin the one good scene for you. Here I go...

The Suge Knight's caricature's right hand man stabs a guy to death then rips out his liver and feeds it to some dogs. That's the best part. Because they actually show the liver.

The director, Sheldon Lettich, has had a working relationship with Van Damme for many years now (he was also second unit director on Josh Becker's THOU SHALL NOT KILL EXCEPT and directed the cable cult classic ONLY THE STRONG). He's a competent director which is why this is way better than most STV action films. But it ain't good. It ain't BLOODSPORT good, which I watched last night to combat the lameness of THE HARD CORPS.

Waiting on a Friend and other random thoughts.

There's a lot of things in this world to be thankful about. Believe me, I know the shits when I see them, too. The paths I've chosen though have led me to a lot of shitty people (and good ones as well, they know who they are).

You can't stay fucked up and aimless forever. Fucked up and professional, maybe, but not fucked up and aimless. I finally have a plan and the life I've been leading is strangling me right now because of aforementioned plan.

The state of the world is a given and gets more fucked up with each passing decade. We're moving into very scary times and most people don't even know it. Worse, they choose to ignore it.

Hitting the 30's and being surrounded by people 9 to 10 years younger than me is sobering. It's really scary that once I was like that. The folly of youth.

I'm ready to start a life and reconnect with my family. I'm glad I have great friends. People like Kenny, Chris, Shawn, Chris & D, Carson and Cat, Matt, Eddie and many others. A shout out to you all because you know who you are.

I need to watch RV. I hear it's really good.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Sunshine state of mind

So the 23rd of August is the day I move back to Florida.

Excited? Yeah. It's something new and while I've had a good time in Boone and met lots of good people, the place is driving me insane.

It's small. I don't have a car. The farthest I've been out of town since Christmas is Winston-Salem. There's really not much to do but drink, watch other people fight and fuck.

It won't be long before I hate living in Jacksonville but there's some amenities that'll sustain my excitement for awhile:

1) decent book stores
2) can actually see things like CLERKS 2 and THE OMEN if I really wanted to
3) Ye ol' dog track.
4) The San Marco Theater is showing midnight shows
5) The Melvins and Hank III are coming
6) The Fest in Gainesville is coming up
7) Ye ol' dog track
8) Getting my car on the road and actually being able to travel to such far-flung
places like Atlanta and Mobile (Carson and Cat, I'll be there soon. Just letting
you know).
9) Hanging out with my parents and helping them out. They ain't getting any younger.
10) The pup has a fenced-in yard and a pool to wade in
11) Ye ol' dog track

Kenny says we're going to go fishing too but he's been saying that for years. I'll believe it when my line's in the water.

I've spent a lot of time doing absolutely nothing with my life and figure it's probably because I'm undereducated and overly schnockered most of the time. I haven't been drinking much lately and it's probably because (a) I'm broke and (b) I really don't care to.

Last summer, I was drinking a lot. It seemed DJ Piss was over every night getting drunk with me (drinking my beer) and every day around 2pm I'd wake up with the worst fucking hangover. Things got better when I met Selina, but like Husker Du said, everything falls apart.

Drinking less and less though has made me dread the hangover more and more. Enough that sometimes I just say, fuck it, I ain't drinking. Getting older and not having much to show for it kind of does that to you.

But as soon as I make something of myself here in the next few years, I'm tying it back on.

Life is way too short to stay sober forever.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I so fuckin' made a hyperlink.

Without Jordan, I made a hyperlink.

Proud of myself? To say the least.

I'll be hacking into Joe Lieberman's website next thing you know.


Check out BRICK. It came out on DVD today and will probably be one of my top 5 films of the year. I didn't have much hope for it though I found it's premise interesting. All I can say is, fucking awesome.

"Like an out of nowhere sucker punch to the face, BRICK startles the senses!"
-Fuzzman Deuce, shootyourwaytofreedom.blogspot.com

I wanna be a junket whore.

Jesus Christ....

Pictures from the Jacksonville Anime Festival

Jordan won't help me design code to make hyperlinks. He's a jerk.

sleepy bear nuts: Hey, in a blog, how do you highlight a word that when you click on it it takes you to a specific link?

jordanatron: you have to insert code that displays that word and makes it a hyperlink
jordanatron: i'm not sure how to do it

sleepy bear nuts: Is it kind of like making a link to a website in the sidebar of a blog?
jordanatron: sure, why not

sleepy bear nuts: Great. They're gettin' their money's worth over at adult swim.

jordanatron: i DESIGN the site
jordanatron: i don't CODE it

sleepy bear nuts: Well, who does? Give me their IM name.
sleepy bear nuts: Yer a tracer.

jordanatron: they're busy
jordanatron: WORKING

sleepy bear nuts: Unlike you.
sleepy bear nuts: I'm working
sleepy bear nuts: trying to write code
sleepy bear nuts: with no help from you
sleepy bear nuts: Is Nort there? Nort could help me.
sleepy bear nuts: Dude, get me Nort.

jordanatron: there is no nort
jordanatron: shut up

sleepy bear nuts: You know Nort.
sleepy bear nuts: You know Nort.
sleepy bear nuts: Nort The Coder.
sleepy bear nuts: (pause)
sleepy bear nuts: HA HA HA HA !!
sleepy bear nuts: GEt it?
sleepy bear nuts: Nort The Coder. North Dakota?
sleepy bear nuts: I'm a humor genius


Coming soon.

Where The Seats Meet The Lawn: How Shitty Bands Attract Shitty People

From The Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

Arrest made in death at Korn concert

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 08/08/06

A 24-year-old Douglas County man has been charged with delivering a deadly sucker punch in a dispute over a ballcap at a heavy-metal concert, police said Tuesday.

Atlanta police and Douglas County authorities arrested Michael Scott Axley Monday afternoon on a murder warrant in the death of 30-year-old Andy Richardson.

A brief fight Aug. 1 between Richardson, Axley and "unknown others" happened where the seats meet the lawn at the HiFi Buys Amphitheater.

Richardson died Aug. 3 at Grady Memorial Hospital and his organs were donated.

According to friends who had gone with Richardson to the Korn concert at the former Lakewood Ampitheater, Axley and others were moving among the crowd, picking fights.

Earlier in the evening, Axley and others tumbled down a hill, crashing into Richardson and his friends and there was a brief scuffle, according to Bernice Averil, who was in Richardson's group.

A little later, the rowdies returned and one of them snatched Richardson's cap.

Axley allegedly punched Richardson in the face as he jumped to grab his cap Axley tossed back to him. Richardson's head hit the concrete.